A healthy relationship with food. It’s lauded as this ideal goal, something to strive towards. But it can seem unattainable for many, especially as it is so difficult to actually pinpoint what a healthy relationship with food actually looks like. So, what does it look like, and how do you know if your relationship with food is healthy?
People with a healthy relationship with food often have commonalities in behaviours, thoughts and feelings around food which allow them to control their food intake and eat a nutritious, balanced diet whilst still being able to eat the things they love.
Commonality 1: Food doesn’t rule their life.
Many people with poor relationships with food often feel at the mercy of it. They feel as though they need to make their plans around the food they are eating, and significantly control and restrict what they do so as to avoid any unplanned eating occasions.
Commonality 2: They don’t experience food noise, and they aren’t constantly thinking about food.
It can be quite startling to some to realise that there are people who don’t have a constant chatter about food going on in their heads. For those with a healthy relationship with food, generally they don’t think about what the next meal will be (unless for practicality/ planning reasons), they aren’t counting down the hours on the clock until lunchtime, and they don’t constantly have an incessant monologue going on in their heads thinking about what and when their next snack will be. This makes keeping your weight within a healthy range, and being able to stick to healthier eating habits so much easier for these people.
Side note: those who do struggle with food noise can experience the relief from this if they are taking a GLP-1 (like wegovy or mounjaro); it’s one of the reasons these medications can be fantastic for those who struggle with a poor relationship with food.
Commonality 3: They can enjoy food without feeling guilt, shame or pressure, and doing so won’t impact the rest of their day negatively.
People with a healthy relationship with food understand that an occasion where they eat a food they enjoy is just that; an occasion. It doesn’t have to bleed into the rest of the day. Just because you ate something which may not necessarily be considered nutritious, doesn’t mean you’ve ruined the day completely. It can be something which is enjoyed and savoured at the time, but the occasion can be compartmentalised and not felt about in a negative way. This generally helps those who think like this prevent the significant overeating which is common for those who feel that level of guilt and shame, and will think “oh well I’ve ruined it now, might as well try again tomorrow”.
Commonality 4: They don’t feel powerless over certain foods or food groups.
This is something which can hit home for a lot of people who have a not-so-great relationship with food. Many people feel that if a certain food, or group of foods, is in their vicinity, they will be powerless to stop themselves from eating it, and often, they will eat it uncontrolled until it is all gone. A person who has a healthy relationship with food would be able to keep a large chocolate bar, packet of crisps or tub of ice-cream in the house for months at a time, and not even think about it. They will often be able to leave it alone until they truly desire it; they won’t eat it just because it is there.
Commonality 5: They can consume all food groups in appropriate quantities.
People with a healthy relationship with food can maintain a healthy, balanced diet much easier. They prioritise whole, nutritious foods for their main meals (fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, healthy fats etc) and get a wide variety of these foods. They don’t do this because they feel they have to; it’s because they want to, as it makes them feel good.
Interestingly, this doesn’t mean they never have foods which are traditionally seen as “unhealthy” for them; on the contrary, those who do completely eliminate these kinds of foods often have an unhealthy relationship with food themselves. Instead, they will allow themselves these foods, but will only eat them when they truly want them, never overstuffing themselves and always stopping when satisfied. Therefore, they have these foods less frequently and often in smaller portions than others do, but they truly enjoy them and savour them when they do eat them.
Commonality 6: They can stop eating when they are satisfied, and they rarely eat past satiety.
It can be really hard to know when you’ve eaten enough, especially if you have a history of consistently overeating as this can warp your perception of satisfied. Most people think they need to stop eating when they are full, but this is not the case. Instead, they should stop eating when they are no longer hungry, a small but important difference. Hunger, satiety and fullness is on a scale, and finding that sweet spot of satiety inbetween hunger and fullness is key.
The hunger and satiety scale can make identifying this far easier- I’ve attached it below.
Commonality 7: They don’t feel the need to restrict or eliminate any foods.
Unless they are allergic, or don’t like a food, they will happily consume anything as long as they truly want to eat it and they are hungry. If either of those criteria are not met, they won’t eat it. This means that even the “unhealthy” foods, such as takeaways, can still be eaten, but they must be desired and required. They don’t need to ban themselves from having a food, as they know they will be able to stop themselves from eating it when they have had enough, and they won’t eat it unless they truly fancy it.
Commonality 8: They can be flexible in what, how and when they eat.
An impromptu invite for drinks or a lunch with a friend doesn’t send them into a panic. They don’t make excuses because they are worried how they are going to eat whilst they are there. They can say yes, and know that they will eat what they want if they are hungry, or be able to decline food if they aren’t.
Commonality 9: They don’t feel the need to meticulously document or count every calorie or macro they consume.
There is obviously a caveat to this; if they are monitoring their intake for a health condition or if they wish to lose weight, then of course they may choose to calorie or macro track, but they don’t allow it to rule or ruin their life. They are still flexible with this way of eating, adjusting calories in each meal if they want to go out later, calorie banking and allowing themselves flexibility with the situation.
Commonality 10: They eat only when they are truly hungry, and never because of emotions or other extraneous variables.
Emotional eating is not something which comes naturally to people with a healthy relationship with food. They can avoid eating when they are not hungry, and use other coping skills to manage the emotional aspect. They don’t feel the need to eat something because it’s there; they don’t generally get extreme cravings just from seeing a food in the shops or in the office, for example. They may still choose to have those foods, of course, but only when they actually need some food due to hunger, and never at at time when they aren’t hungry.
Commonality 11: They don’t feel they have to “earn” their food.
Food is not seen as a reward or a punishment; it is a neutral thing which provides energy and nutrition, alongside varying levels of enjoyment. They do not punish themselves for not exercising or eating too much the day before by not eating.
These commonalities can help you identify if you have a healthy relationship with food
Look at all of the commonalities listed above. How many of them do you feel you are able to do, and do comfortably and without thinking?
Many people will only be able to say that they are able to do less than 2 confidently. This can indicate that you might need to work on your relationship with food.
I do want to note that for some people, some of these commonalities may be unattainable. Some people have a pre-disposition for things such as food noise, for example, and will never be able to get rid of it completely. However, they will be able to work on it and dampen it down to a more manageable level by adjusting their diet nutritionally and working on their relationship with food.
If you are looking to improve your relationship with food, get in touch. We are able to help you navigate managing this relationship, and can help you confidently relate to the commonalities above.
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